Faithfully following Jesus

...that nothing is good but thee;
that I am near good when I am near thee,
that to be like thee is a glorious thing...
Thou art all my good in times of peace,
my only support in days of trouble,
my one sufficiency when life shall end.
Help me to see how good thy will is in all,
and even when it crosses mine
teach me to be pleased with it.
-The Valley of Vision, "The All-Good" (emphasis added)

I'm currently taking a personal journey, one which has required that I lay aside many things, so that I can find some solitude and peace, wisdom and direction.

And I know there are questions, as I have my own, but I'm going to God and seeking Him for answers. We each need to do what we can to deal with "space" and silence in the best way...in the right manner.

There have only been a handful of times in my life that have been this hard, this challenging. On a related note, I recently watched the Lord of The Rings trilogy again. To highlight a couple key points:
1) I especially focused on Frodo, as he began to fall prey to Sauron's power as the evil Ring took hold of him...and how great that burden was for him.
2) In contrast, I renewed my affection and respect for The Lady of Light (Galadriel) as she passes the test and chooses not to take the Ring from Frodo as it would make her "terrible".

And during these challenges in the past, my responses have varied as well. There were unhealthy, destructive thoughts and behaviors - a world of emptiness, numbness, suppressed appetites, sleeping too much or not getting any rest, days upon days of tears and illness, the loss of any will to go on. There was hatred and bitterness, a strong desire for retribution and punishment for the pain and cruelty I suffered.

But praise be to God, that I don't have to live that way, even when those who should help don't and those who want to help can't.
[To the ones who are concerned, thank you, I want you to know that I am safe and I appreciate your prayers, love and support.]

I have known deep hurt and sorrow. And it's really easy to lash back, to turn that into malice and hatred. But I have seen how sin changes people, blinds them to the Truth, hardens their hearts to God and then to others....and I don't want to be that person.

I don't want to sin in my response to the pain, as I look for healthy solutions, for time away to remember to love, to forgive, to trust God, and to wait upon the Lord.

After all, God is good...and it is good for me to be near Him. I am spending this time to learn from Him, to embrace all that He sends my way, and to rejoice and give thanks through the trial.

By the world's standards, I know I have a lot of things going on for me, a "bright and promising" future to look forward to, but NONE of that matters if Christ isn't at the center. I need to be whole and content in Him before anything else will draw meaning. May I be pleased by His will for my life alone.

First things first.

I have decided to follow Jesus...no turning back, no turning back.

Grace and peace to you.