Start off small

You know, it's funny how unpredictable life can be. I've lived through the hardest few months of my life, and still have many unanswered questions...and yet, it's when we're most "unstable" that we can run to God, fully rely on Him for strength and refuge. Amen? :)

And I'm learning new lessons daily. This one comes from my observations of and interactions with my grandma. She's in a wheelchair and in diapers...actually, in the hospital today, to have surgery for a hip fracture. Please pray for healing and comfort for her and wisdom as our family will have to make some big decisions in the near future.

We've wondered why she has been too weak to walk and stand (which led to the fall), concerned that not everything is always what it seems.

And in caring for her, carrying her out of bed, helping her to change, to use the restroom, there's an interesting dynamic that has surfaced...that of her personal responsibility, and then the help we're to give.

How much strength/exertion can she, should she put out vs. how much aid we should and can give?

And as I face my own issues, how much should I personally shoulder, and when is it appropriate to call out for help, to ask for support and "burden" those around me?

That's almost an impossible question to answer:
Sometimes the need is so great, that it's better to err on the safe side...sometimes it's best to leave them alone so they'll stop being "spoiled" and learn to rely on some of their own strength, to get themselves out of that self-pity. Make sense?

In many ways, I understand this state of being - my grandma's desire not to unnecessarily burden her loved ones, but also a sense of entitlement out of selfish motives to be paid attention to.

Yes, I'll admit that I'm the type of person that wants to be reached out to, that people persist in their attempts to help...but at the same time, I feel guilty, that this is my personal cross to bear. Isn't that human nature?

God has been so good to me, showing me his faithfulness day after day. There is injustice and grief...there will be more trials and pain...but God is my mighty fortress when the storm rages, when my heart and flesh fail, when I cannot stand on my own.

Praise God that I am relatively healthy, that I have time to take it slowly...building my life from scratch again with a new body, new friends, and a promising? career ahead of me...that I'm going to be more than ok.

"but they who wait for the LORD shall renew their strength, they shall mount up with wings like eagles; they shall run and not be weary; they shall walk and not faint." - Isaiah 40:31

Right now, I only have strength to walk, but I'm going to start off small...

Grace and peace to you.