My Testimony

Grace Community Church sends out several STM (Short Term Ministries) teams every year. I'm going to Japan for 2 1/2 weeks this summer.  We had to submit our testimonies to post on the team blog - http://japanstm2010.wordpress.com. I wanted to share it mine here in case you didn't know what it was. Enjoy!

I was raised in a Christian home and attended church since I was a child.  As long as I could remember, I always believed God existed, but my understanding was limited and incomplete, and I knew nothing other than to do what I pleased and to live selfishly. 

I can’t recall the exact date, but I think I made my decision to officially “accept” Christ as my Savior when I was 12, in response to an altar call during one of our church revival meetings.  At that point, I was a young believer, ignorant and impressionable, and without much guidance, I fell into the trap of trying to “be Christian” without a clear understanding of what pursuing a relationship with Christ, pursuing Christlikeness, and knowing God really was supposed to be like. 

I did what I thought good Christians do: attended church weekly, read my Bible, prayed before meals and bedtime and became active in serving in the church.  Unfortunately, my relationship with the Lord was shallow at best.  I was ill-equipped and didn’t have the resources I needed to grow.  From the outside, I seemed healthy, but my ongoing struggles with sin were not exposed, confronted, or dealt with. 

Without realizing the need for change and growth, my life as a believer continued like this for over a decade - serving to meet a need or request but not because I was motivated out of true love for the Body, for Christ; behaving morally, conforming to ways to act and behave, while my heart was actually far from embracing gospel truths and their impact in my daily life, fully surrendering control of life over to the Lord.

But God, in His great providence, used my time away from home in 2005 to powerfully break me, to force me to fully rely on Him.  He revealed my pride and the idols in my heart.  God opened my eyes to what it really meant to be in Christ, to sorrow and grieve over sin and repent, the need to be sanctified and continually growing.  It wasn’t until I was in the Word regularly, daily, when I began to attend Bible Study Fellowship and a Bible teaching church that my desire to learn more and to love the Lord became real, became sincere and passionate. 

Through a series of events and the loving invitations of close friends, I visited Grace Community Church in 2008.  Not long after, I began to attend the Foundry.  I saw their love for the Word, love for Christ, and how that motivated them to love others, through selfless care and service that simply compelled me, challenged me. I thought to myself “this is how it’s supposed to be.”

God’s timing is perfect.  The Lord knew that I needed to change, and when my heart was ready, the Shepherd called me.  He brought me good books, faithful friends, and solid teaching to draw me, to grow me.  I am sad over the loss of those years, being blind, but I know God had a purpose and reason - to bring more glory to Himself.

I believe that God brings us each on different journeys.  For me, I’ve had some really difficult years adjusting, having all that I once knew shaken at its core, but I’ve grown and benefitted tremendously through it and would never trade it for anything else. 

I know what it means to have a high view of God, a high view of Scripture, a low view of man, and a proper view of self.  I know what it means to experience grace, amazing grace!  I know why I must hate sin as God hates it, to love and forgive others even when it feels impossible.  I know the value of cultivating godly relationships, both to give and receive love, admonition, and encouragement.  I delight in being committed to and serving in a church body, obeying Christ and His commands because I love the Lord.  I treasure God’s precious gift of the Word to me, and how I can study it to know Him better, love Him better through it.  I find power through prayer and privilege knowing that He is anxious to listen.  And I seek to bring the Good News to a world that is lost and dying, those who do not yet know Jesus and what it means to walk with Him. 

All that I once counted gain, I now regard as loss compared to the surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus.  My life is IN Christ and I surrender all because He paid it all.  Praise God for we serve an awesome and returning King!

Grace and peace to you.

On Conformity

I just recently watched "Alice in Wonderland" in the theatres, not because of Tim Burton, Johnny Depp, or the hype, but because it was free.

So I went in with low expectations, and guess what?  I was pleasantly surprised. The story may or may not be closely adapted to Lewis Carroll's books, but I can't remember enough to compare. 

What struck me was Alice's personality...and how she was cast as this "Independent Thinker, Independent Woman".  And to be honest, part of that struck a cord in me...

What is it about "free will" and the ability to make choices "ourselves" that is so desirous? I think it goes back to pride...we want to believe we are the makers of our own destiny, that we can control not only our own lives, but also the lives of others...or at least try to know enough to then be able to "plan" it out...


But in reality, our lives are not our own, and to think otherwise is foolishness and to believe Satan's lies.  As believers, we have died to self, and Christ now controls.  

Galatians 2:20 - "I have been crucified with Christ. It is no longer I would live, but Christ who lives in me. And the life I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me."

Ephesians 4:22-24 - "to put off your old self, which belongs to your former manner of life and is corrupt through deceitful desires, and to be renewed in the spirit of your minds, and to put on the new self, created after likeness of God in true righteousness and holiness."

On a related note, I just finished Joshua Harris' latest "Dug Down Deep" and wanted to share the most interesting part.  He writes:

      "When I use the word conviction, I'm talking about a heart-level, settled belief before God that doesn't change with our environment. Conviction is something we believe, not because someone is making us, not because we have to, but because we are convinced it's what God would have us believe.
      Compliance isn't conviction. Conformity to other people's standards isn't conviction. Adapting to a church culture isn't conviction. Biblical conviction is the result of the study of Scripture, careful thought, discussion, and the search for wisdom. It requires work. It requires the humility to test the results of our choices and change our actions when necessary. Most important it requires laser focus on God.
      The solution here isn't to throw out all the rules. It's to embrace God's rules and obey them out of a desire to honor him. If there's a rule in your life that you obey solely because of someone else and that person's opinion, take the time to study Scripture yourself. See if your rule is really biblical. Sometimes you'll find that it is - either because Scripture directly commands it or because biblical principles convince you of its wisdom. But other times you might find that it's man-made and you could leave it behind."

He goes on to say how we need to make our relationship with God more about the good we're called to pursue than the avoidance of sin. Becoming like Jesus isn't just about not doing wrong, but pursuing obedience and "doing" righteousness.


I don't have any problem with Alice wanting to break free of the constraints or "expectations" placed upon her by her family and the pressures of society.  

To me, it's really a matter of the heart...we have to be able to know what we believe, because we've sought after and asked for wisdom, that we've studied Scripture and prayed to the Lord for guidance...and that even if it seems "outside the box", that it is completely ok to be different, to do things less traditionally, so long as we're pursuing Christlikeness, convinced that it honors God, and comes from a pure heart.

I hate it when people just do what they do because that's what everyone else is doing, or what we're supposed to do, without understanding why.  When they don't go out and try to figure it out for themselves or have a strong sense of conviction, it's really sad.  So please don't just conform...do what you need to do to find out what you need to find out, and the Lord is faithful to show you when you seek Him with all your heart.


Grace and peace to you.

Resolve to STUDY the word

I found a nugget today. An example for us to look to and follow in an often missed place - Ezra 7:10: "For Ezra had set his heart to study the law of the LORD and to practice it, and to teach His statutes and ordinances to Israel."

We all know that we should read the Bible.  But how many of us deliberately take time to really study and apply it? 

Most of us know why as well - to find guidance, to help fight sin, to grow, to learn more about God and how He desires us to live.  But how is this motivating us to do so consistently, with excitement, in cooperation with the Holy Spirit?

And for myself, I've found that I have been in school for many years, 20 years spent learning and studying...but how much of my life can I say have I spent really "studying" the Word?  Admittedly, ashamedly, not much at all.


Perhaps it was ignorance, or not feeling like I knew how.  

But the truth is, we don't need to be seminarians, because we do have the tools before us...and as I've sat under the teaching at Grace Community Church and have been reminded by the recent movie (The Book of Eli), I have realized the privilege and honor it is to have a Bible, to cultivate a HIGH view of Scripture and to desire to study it.

2 Timothy 2:15 - "Be diligent to present yourself approved to God as a workman who does not need to be ashamed, accurately handling the word of truth."


Here's another way I see it - we spend time shopping for good deals, finally find something worth purchasing, and then when it rings up, it sometimes ends up being a better deal than we initially realized - and there's a sense of satisfaction AND pleasure.  

Studying the Word for me has ALWAYS yielded benefit and pleasant surprises, great treasure/joy, and is similar in the sense that as I read and set my heart upon studying the Word:

I find power to battle sin and the flesh...
and I find joy in my trials and circumstances...
and I find myself falling deeper in love with my Lord, amazed again by His grace to me.


So, let's resolve to STUDY the Word, so that we can then LIVE it out, and then TEACH it to others, like Ezra...for His glory!


Grace and peace to you.

Ask the right questions

Dear friends,

I apologize for the long periods between posts, will try harder to blog more regularly as my seasonal stint with BarBri has subsided. Thank you for your faithful following and patience. :)

So I've been thinking, and reading more, and seeing how no matter what place or state of life you're currently in, there are always areas of growth, of introspection that should occur, as we strive earnestly to obey God's Word and long for His return, continually seeking to be satisfied by Him and Him alone.

It appears to me like the most common obstacles to this careful reflection are ignorance or complacency.  Some do not know to think about or ask questions of themselves, of others.  Some are not asking the right questions or not asking them often enough.

Please allow me to quickly address each "lifestage" and what I have generally observed - 

For the high school student, the focus is often on what college to attend, what to "be", and to get there...

For the college student, it's getting through these courses, landing the dream job, or finding "meaning" and purpose in that career...

For post-grad, career singles, it's when you'll meet that "special" someone, or when you'll know it's ok to move on or change paths...

For those who are dating and planning for marriage, it's how you discern or correct conflicts or areas of concerns, communicate through, or work on ways to "prevent" divorce/beat the statistics/make it for the long haul...

For the married couples waiting on kids, and or learning how to parent, it's focusing on the preparation and discipline and avoiding your parents' mistakes...

But aren't we all just missing the point if it's just "practical" steps...relying on ourselves and conventional wisdom??

I believe that although these things should be thought about and discussed, what is so often missed...especially by the weaker, less informed, individuals living outside a vibrant church community. 

What really should be shaping our thoughts, behaviors, actions, and decisions?  

Most of our attention and resources are unfortunately not spent on the "right" things, asking the "right" questions.

What are the right questions then? I think they're similar for each chapter/season in our life.  The Bible doesn't outline "practical" step-by-step advice most of the time.  We're dealing with general principles to live by.

So be asking yourself this:

1) What are my heart's motivations? Is this to serve/please self or God?

2) How does this bring God more glory?

3) How am I becoming more like Christ and blessing/edifying others through this?

4) Am I giving proper and enough priority and attention to what God views as important?

5) Have I sincerely prayed about, sought wise counsel and affirmation in the matter?

6) Where am I placing my trust here, in God or myself or other people/things?

7) How am I doing with resting in God's sovereignty, loving Him first and with all my heart, soul, mind, and strength?

I'm not even close to being an expert, but I do believe that these are questions that can help put you on the right path.  Ask your pastor, mentor, wise friends if what you're doing seems Biblically right to them.

Now that you have been made aware, you can and do have the ability to change and make wiser decisions with God's help.  Pray for God to lead you, pray for greater surrender and reliance on Him, pray for good friends that will ask you and keep you accountable with these sort of questions.

Grace and peace to you.   

Birthday musings

It's been a long time...some 30 years now.  As I think and reflect on the things that matter...priorities have changed, and the Lord has changed me, my heart.


My favorite song right now is "Hosanna" by Hillsong.  The bridge is written and performed beautiful, strikes a chord with my soul's cry:

Heal my heart and make it clean

Open up my eyes to the thing unseen

Show me how to love like You have loved me

Break my heart for what breaks Yours

Everything I am for Your Kingdom’s cause

As I walk from earth into eternity.

I'd like to believe that getting older makes me wiser...but I'm realizing more and more each day, how foolish I can be, how easy I can fall back to old ways, have a critical and complaining spirit, and those daily failings remind how much more I'm in need of a Savior.

Jesus, "save us". Hosanna!

No matter how many more days I'm granted here on this earth, may I live them well, righteously, for His glory, that I truly appreciate and "love on" the friends and family God has blessed me with.  I do not deserve any of this grace and kindness.  I stand amazed, humbled, and rejoice...love much!

Grace and peace to you.

New Year's Lesson

Out with the old, in with the new.  As the entire world sits and reflects on the year past and the year to come, there are good memories, bad memories, and some in between.


What do we take from 2009? What do we allow into 2010? Will it be better or worse?


Our choices define who we're becoming and where we're going. Pastor Rick Holland says faithfulness is in every little decision, living moment by moment, because life is a vapor. Who we worship colors everything we think about, everything we do and say. If our motivations are unhealthy, not Christ-centered, our hearts will naturally follow its sinful desires and stray. How wretched are we! What to do?


I find that it always helps to preach the gospel to myself, in moments of uncertainty, of weakness, of lack of faith and trust.  Salvation and what Christ has done should influence how I choose to live my life today, into the new year, and the remaining days I am granted here on earth.  


Ps. 116:12 says this - "What shall I render to the Lord for all his benefits to me?"


If we would just remind ourselves of the constant state of need and dependency on the Lord which is required to function, we would already be better off.  


We deserve wrath, and that that has been removed and placed upon the holy, lamb of God in our stead.  Anything else, any single ounce of kindness or blessing bestowed upon me should cause me immediate and passionate, unceasing praise, undivided attention, love and devotion, and gratefulness that overflows for the grace of God shown to me.


Our only response should then be service.  Whatever talents the Lord has given to me, I wholly devote to His use.  Whatever suffering I must endure for Christ's sake, I rejoice in.  Whatever blessing He pours out, I'll turn back to praise.


I pray that you are thinking rightly upon all the great things that the Lord has done. And the holidays can be hard on some if our perspectives are incorrect...so look ahead, and praise God for His grace, His strength, and His promise to carry you through...and appreciate the simple everyday things.


It's in the cool breeze as the sun blazes even on a winter January morn...it's in His word as He reminds our souls that He is our Rock and Deliverer...it's in text from an old friend reminding you that you're remembered...it's in the warmth of a hug from a family member...it's in the sudden rush of your dog when he dashes towards you, excited to love and adore you, to please you...it's in the familiar sights and smells of good times you've shared with those who love you most...it's in the knowing that your safe and secure in the arms of God, that Jesus knows, and cares for you...so just trust, and love Him with all your heart, and push forward. 


Cling to the good, pure, holy, and right. Flee from sin and praise God for forgiveness when you fail. Happy New Year!


Grace and peace to you. 

Say what you mean and mean what you say

Proverbs 12:18 - There is one whose rash words are like sword thrusts, but the tongue of the wise brings healing.

I know it's been a long time since I've been able to get on here and blog. I appreciate the loyal "followers" as you check in periodically. 


I've been thinking a lot about the holiday season, what a blessing it is to celebrate with family and friends, to reflect on those things we value and worship, and to re-focus on what matters most...which is Christ, and who we are becoming in and through Him.


Of late, I've been dealing with how to grant Jesus access to all areas of my life, as I have felt more busy with work and the "hustle and bustle" that surrounds us.


The devil tries to distract us, to get us worked up about small things, to be offended by what we think others are saying or doing...and when we allow him to deceive and lie to us, one small evil thought can carry a long way...and before we know it, what comes our of our mouths is unwholesome, hurtful and does not build up at all.


So my lesson to you today is two-fold...one - to be careful to tame our tongues...and to take time to listen before we jump to any conclusions, two - to be deliberate about communicating clearly, so that others will not misunderstand where you are coming from.


I have been at the giving and receiving end of each.  I know how easy it is to speak without discernment, to let loose because of emotive passion, to assume that something said or done demands an immediate response or rebuttal.  I also know how frustrating it is when someone is unclear, that you feel misled and defrauded in a sense, because you don't know for sure what someone means.


Let's all work on learning how to better judge what to say, when to say it, how to best say it, and then making sure those who are listening understand it well.


Grace and peace to you.